A Beginning
(From Between…)
Once upon a time in a mostly forgotten land, an unknowing life form was cast to earth, placed in a stray clump of cells, found in a being of great acceptance and grace. The abandoning aliens, having no idea of human gender, could not know the soul of what would be known as a “girl” was placed into what would be known as a “boy’s” body. The beautiful life form could not yet know about the earthling’s fetish of “he” and “she.” So often unnecessary, yet so often central in so many places.
S/he, they, found strange the divisions of this place. The folks here seem to have chosen without choosing, a world already cut up, sorted in boxes, innocent beings bouncing against boundaries, walls of others’ makings. But they were proud, or defensive (oh, how to read these strange being’s emotions?), of their divided world. They sent s/he, they, to school to learn about boxes, the making of divisions, perfecting the skill of sorting and classifying, remembering the preferred past, defending.
These strange folks endlessly talking about freedom and deciding but seeming to accept the all too powerful silent decisions others had already made for them. S/he, they, found it hard to know if you can perform an arabesque when you are already in a game of football. Why do they get to make all the rules when so much fun could be had? Why do we have to play with each of us in boxes? Walls all around; bumping into containers.
Heart, head, and body often severed. Earthlings seemed preoccupied with choosing between “X” and “Y” without ever reflecting on the many sleights of hand needed to leave only X and Y. What happened to all the other ways of seeing? How many choices were abandoned on the wayside as they journeyed to either/or and deeply pondered their free choice there?
S/he, they, decided it best to fit in. Otherwise, how does one get fed? Loved? Held? To give love? To give hugs? Funny, they held those in pink different from those in blue. Does not the body simply want? What should s/he, they, think about the person who would hold differently based on the color of cloth, or plumbing below? Kinky, perverted?? S/he, they, was not of an age where it should matter.
S/he, they, had seen the arrival announcement declaring their birth, on the spring equinox to be exact. The earthlings probably should have been happy to announce that it was “human” (or at least appeared to be) rather than a “boy” or “girl.” Earthlings know, at a glance, that which is so strange and hard to figure out. What is really revealed at reveal parties? A history rather than a beginning? A statement enabling chains and opportunities? All lies anyway. But s/he, they, spoke the voice assigned. Again, how else does one get fed? Loved? Held? Accepted? To embrace others? Admittedly, s/he, they, often felt like a color-blind chameleon, or, at least, a conflicted or foolishly curious one. Fitting in is not always so easy; the food, love, and hugs are not always so right.
Growing older, s/he, they, felt the struggles and magic of life. S/he, they, became fascinated with the mystery of the ordinary. Grounded for a moment on their knees in the soil facing with wonder the lowly caterpillar. S/he, they, felt the strivings of living, feeling at one with the caterpillar crawling among the branches, munching on the leaves, learning to avoid the devil birds and toxic sprays with only the slightest, perhaps foolish, glimmer as it glanced skyward that its destiny was to be a butterfly; and often forgetting the beauty of the caterpillar itself. S/he, they, imagined the caterpillar at the edge of felt death, its season ending, alone, secreting its chrysalis, knitting its ashen cocoon, armored and quiet, passing stealth through the harsh winter, becoming.
Imaginations and dreams warm felt, but for now, here on earth, the caterpillar eats what and while it can. S/he, they, like the caterpillar, was there, then.
