Two Epistolary Sonnets
To the Director of the MFA Program
I’ve never tried to write a sonnet; in fact, the mere thought
makes me nervous. I guess I’d better explain: If you knew me,
you’d know I chafe at creative restrictions. I want to be free
to put the pen to paper and say exactly what I think. (I do know a lot
of poets, though, who relish using traditional forms. When taught
the archaic Petrarchan form with its drone of abba…cde…cde…
it unleashed [at least for them] all that repressed, innate creativity
they already had. However, it doesn’t work for me.) I’ve caught
a lot of flak for this, but honestly: Why not let the Italians do it?
To them, it’s as natural as breathing. Think of the subtle way
they’ve mastered the form. They’re not obvious. They don’t pre-rehearse
the rhyme scheme, so it’s rarely contrived. Frankly, I don’t care one bit
what MFA programs require. I’m just not a stuffy sonnet-writer. I’ll pay
top dollar to attend your school, but I’m warning you: I only write free verse.
P.S. To the Director of the MFA Program
I hate to bother you again, but it’s imperative. You see,
not only do I not write sonnets—I’ve never read Shakespeare,
either. I once saw Romeo and Juliet, but freaked out when she
flashed her bottom on the screen. (At 13, I was still rather fear-
ful of those things.) I knew there was no way I could hide
this fact from you people, being the poetry experts you are.
I was thinking that even if you offered me a full ride,
I’d have to turn it down, on principle. Frankly, I know I’m a far
cry from Edgar Guest or Ogden Nash, but I try hard. I’m slow,
but my high school basketball coach said I compensate with “scrap
and grit.” (I’m an underdog, like Larry and Curly are to Moe.)
Sorry, but your “Shakespearean-sonnet-is-KING” agenda is a trap
for many aspiring poets, not just me. I hope this doesn’t sound terse,
but how else do I convince you academics I only write free verse?
(Originally appeared in LIGHT)
